Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
