I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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