we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
