NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
