mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
