We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
