Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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