I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
