Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.

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(410): View more from Maryland

So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better

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(907): View more from Alaska

Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life

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(334): View more from Alabama

I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months

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(813): View more from Florida

Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.

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