sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
