I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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