Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
