Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
