WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have aggressive nipples.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
