We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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