i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
