another moral hangover. fuck.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
