I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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