just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
