The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
