and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
