I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
