I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How naked do you want me to be?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
