Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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