would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
