He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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