My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
