If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
