I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
