There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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