My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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