I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
