Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
