where am i from again
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
