she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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