Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
