Whoa Z and x make the same sound
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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