Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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