My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
