well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
