This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
