I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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