I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
