so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
