I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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