Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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