We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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