Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
