so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
