so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
