security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
