Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
