New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My balls are so social today.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
