I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
