why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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