i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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