he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
